


Clerkstuck

by shellebelle



Series: Jerseystuck [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Earth, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-20
Updated: 2011-10-06
Packaged: 2017-10-23 21:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellebelle/pseuds/shellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This ate my brain slowly over about five days. Homestuck + Clerks = Clerkstuck! I go off the movie script fairly soon but it was great fun to write and I hope people like it. :)</p><p>Karkat is not even supposed to be here today! Rated Mature for cussin'. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Karkat

  
==> Be Karkat  
 __  


 __You are waking up not to your obnoxious 4 pm alarm, but to a loud, obnoxious ringing at 7 in the _morning_. __

 _“_ Motherfuck what... _shit.”_ You are buried in your recuperacoon, but it's only been a couple hours that you've been asleep. Who the hell is calling you in the middle of the day? You poke your head up, your eyes no more than tiny slits. __

 _“_ Oh my gog, this better be fucking important, _what?”_ you croak into the phone. It takes several tries before the human wriggler on the other end gets his request out. “Oh _fuck_ no, I just closed last night, fuckass! What the... _shit!_ Okay, fine. Fine but if the boss is not there by twelve, I'm going to go to your house, haul you out of bed, pull your intestines out of your fucking _nose_ and hang you with them!” You slam the phone down and haul yourself out of the recuperacoon, feeling dizzy and a little sick. You don't sleep well to begin with, and the less than three hours sleep you've gotten is nowhere near enough. __

 _“_ FUCK!” __

 __Twenty minutes later, you have your combat boots laced, your hoodie on over your horns and still-damp hair, and sunglasses because fuck the sun is too bright for your eyes. At least the light in the store will pretty much be the same. You get into your truck (gray-primer color, you've never had the money to get it painted properly) and drive to the Quick Stop, a small convenience store over on the other side of town. __

 __You unlock the front door of the shop, but when you try to get the metal rolling doors to go up, you find that someone has shoved chewing gum in the locks. Putting the key into that will be disgusting and damaging and you have no desire to go trying to clean gum and saliva solution off of keys or locks. “Fuckin' barbarians,” you mutter, your mood most definitely _not_ improving by the minute. __

 __Problem was, the store still looks closed. You sigh and get the tarp out of the back of your truck, the tarp that you usually put over John's bike when you bring him home nights, and you write with your hand dipped in shoe polish: YEAH, FUCKASSES, WE'RE OPEN! You hang the sign over the metal doors to the front of the building, then go to wash your hands. And then you curse again, get the shoe polish out a second time, and put the Alternian letters underneath the English ones, because you’re a bilingual motherfucker. __

 __Fucking shoe polish. __

 __You make the coffee, and put out one of the newspapers the store sells. You get a quarter out of the till and go to a neighboring store and clean out the newspaper dispenser of all the other newspaper that your store is supposed to carry, but never seems to be delivered. Stupid dispenser. So easy to steal from... __

 __You sigh again and stand behind the cash register, which has a cheery sign posted: _If you are going to shoplift, please let us know!_

 __You aren't even supposed to be here today... __

 __The assholes start coming in strong today, and by 8:05 you're done being pleasant. You take money and make change and if you growl, they're just going to have to deal with it. And humans just don't know how to deal with trolls. Well, they're going to have to learn because you've been here for a long time and you'll be there for a long time to come. __

 __Sometimes, for shits and giggles, you'll smile at humans with all your pointy teeth. You like to freak them out a little. It's because you hate your job, really. __

 __But you don't know what else to do, so you stay there. And you _need_ the job, now. You hang your life on it like a fucking human Christmas tree. __

 __You were meant for something different. Something better. But you're damned if you know what that is. __

 __Someone slaps a huge package of Fruit Gushers down on the counter. You know who that is. You smile briefly, a little less pointy because it's a real smile. But it also doesn't last long. Your real smiles never do. Your friends all know this. __

 _“_ Hey, Egderp. How's school, fuckass?” __

 __You call everyone 'fuckass', whether they're friend or foe. Sometimes you only say it internally. __

 __John Egbert grins idiotically at you. “It's good! It'd be better if you were there, though...” __

 _“_ Fuck, Egbert, don't nag.” You know you should be doing something else. But damned if you know what... __

 __He sighs. “I know, I know. But I wasn't expecting to see you here today! I mean, you dropped me off last night, and I was expecting to see you next around five today for movies!” It was Friday, after all. Movie night! He was always so excited for movie night... __

 _“_ You'll still see me around for movies. And Terezi too, probably. I should be out of here by noon, cause the boss should be in by then. Then I can be bored to tears by your human excuse for movies...” __

 _“_ It’ll be good to see Terezi again! Aw, come on, you're just teasing. You know you love my movies...” He stopped, sniffed the air. “What smells like shoe polish?” __

 _“_ Hoofbeast shit,” you snap at him, but you've had this argument so many times you both have it memorized. (And you don’t mind his movies that much...by now it’s just tradition.) “I made the sign out of shoe polish. Smell won’t come off...” __

 __Just then, a customer comes into the store, slamming a DVD case down on the counter. “Do you know when the fuck the video store is going to open?” __

 __John winces. “Um...maybe I should go... I got a class. See you around five, then?” __

 __You growl a bit. “Yeah.” You turn to the video store customer as John leaves. You have to be somewhat polite sometimes and you try to reassure the customer that the store will be open as soon as the video store clerk gets there... __

 _Gogdammit Strider, where the hell are you?_

 __Just then, the store's purrbeast leaps up on the counter, purring and rubbing up against the customer. “Hey, cute cat, man. What's his name?” __

 _“_ Fuckass.” _  
_


	2. Gamzee and Tavros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, the trolls have been on Earth for about 20 years. The kid-trolls got host families when they first got to Earth. And this is way too complicated for what once was a simple little funny thing combining Homestuck and Clerks. :D Such is my life.

 

  
=> Be Gamzee

It's a motherfucking good day, full of miracles, but then,  every day is full of miracles. And you are a vendor of miracles. You are wheeling your best bro Tavros to your usual spot in front of the Quick Stop and RST Video Store.

You move like you've got music in your head at all times. You're about seven feet tall and you paint your face in a clown pattern. Your horns corkscrew up out of your wild black hair.   
Sometimes you're disappointed that people find you so motherfucking intimidating. You're a sweet guy. You love people, both troll and human. They’re all miracles.

So many people, man, so many brothers to introduce to the miracle of organic happiness.

The sopor slime pies have been pretty good to you, but the human weed stuff is amazing, man. Amazing and  sacred,  some of the humans say. You can totally dig that, and so can your wheeled friend Tavros.

You think he might be more into it than you, if that's possible. After all, it takes away the pain, and not even sopor slime does that for him. Morphine does, but the humans won't sell that to you and it's expensive to buy on the street. E does things to Tavros that terrify both of them. But not weed, man. It makes Tavros all loose and relaxed. And stops the pain. Anything's worth stopping that pain.

Tavros’ accident had done something for him, clarified things, made him realize what the brown-blooded troll was to him. Once that was clear, everything else became clear too. He spent every moment he could beside him, made sure he was safe and being taken care of. There were very few high-blooded trolls left, and the status still carried some clout. He spent every dime he had, and some he didn’t have. It didn’t matter. He had pull with the few troll doctors there were. He didn’t have to threaten very often. 

He soon found that it was better to sleep at the hospital too, because there were still some trolls who thought culling the sick was better than treating them. 

And now they lived together and as long as Gamzee was there, no one was going to hassle Tavros. And Tavros didn’t mind cultivating pot, or selling it, and he turned out to be a pretty good partner in the business.

Tavros is good at keeping track of money, and so you hand it all to him when you get it. He shoves it in his pants and sits on it, or sticks it in his boot. It doesn’t even seem like he looks at the amount, but he knows precisely how much you have at the end of the day.  And even in a wheelchair, those horns are motherfucking intimidating.

You lean against the wall after parking your friend's chair and pulling the brake. “Motherfucking miracles, man.” You press the button on your transportable music broadcasting device and bob your head to the mad beats.

==>Be Tavros

You grin at your best friend, your matesprit. You don’t know what you’d do without him.

At seven sweeps, you'd gotten into a bad car accident. Your friend Vriska had stolen a car and asked you to go joyriding. You'd always had a difficult time refusing Vriska. You didn't know she was drunk off her ass.

When she got into a high speed chase with the human police, when she went the wrong way down a divided highway, when the car flipped and rolled and landed on a guardrail, sending said guardrail forcefully across your waistline, the people who cut you out of the mangled car weren't at all sure you'd make it. You had to be air-lifted to a trauma center with specialized troll doctors, and you coded twice along the way.

You awoke in excruciating pain, and paralyzed from the waist down. Your lusus was there, and he looked so sad that he couldn't do anything for you, and Vriska was brought in in handcuffs to look at you, to see what she had done. You looked up at her, and she looked down at you and a slow smile crossed her face, seeming almost happy about what she’d done to you.  And then you heard the most terrifying thing in your life: Gamzee’s roar. 

You’d never seen your friend like that: His hair was wild, his shoulders hunched forward, teeth bared: predatory. He advanced on Vriska, and she and the human police with her backed up. Karkat leapt up and stood between the two of them, placing his hands on his moirail’s chest. He was good at soothing Gamzee, even though it was much more difficult this time. “Breathe, fuckass. Just breathe. You can’t help him if you’re culled for slaying her.” Gamzee pulled away when she was finally out of his sight, and stayed panting and snarling at the door for a little while after, his claws indenting the metal door frame, Karkat by his side, just patting his shoulder gently. And then his shoulders sagged, and he looked at you with his eyes so soft and sad. He sat next to you and held your hand and hardly ever left your side the whole time you were in the hospital. Your lusus was in no condition to help care for you, so Gamzee came to live with you. 

When the pain became too much, and you couldn't get the right painkillers, and it seemed like no one could help, Gamzee helped you. He started you with sopor slime, which worked for a while. But where it calmed Gamzee, it just made you numb. Listless. For a while, that was enough, just to be out of pain, even if you slept all the time. But it wasn't enough for Gamzee.

He started trying to find something else for you, to take away your pain. He tried everything first, of course, because there was no way he was using Tavros as an experimental small round furbeast.

Anything he found that worked on him, he tried on Tavros.

Ironically enough, it was a while before they discovered weed. It worked like a dream, and Gamzee became obsessed with it--growing it, drying it, finding the best ways to smoke it. 

You can’t repay him enough, really. It would be enough just to be his matesprit, but he makes it seem like so much more than just filling a quadrant. The little things you do for him surely can’t be enough, but he seems satisfied.

You don’t know what you’d do without him. You join in on the head bobbing to the beat that Gamzee’s doing, though with your huge horns, it tends to be a little slower... 


	3. Dave

=>Be Dave Strider.

You are Dave Strider and you are just too damn cool to be on time. You're driving your car, which is a Pink Cadillac you bought off of a retiring Mary Kay saleswoman, and it is the single most ironic thing you own. It has green and red flames on the side and bright red dice hanging from the rear view mirror. And when you are driving your sweet ride, you don't care how late you are because when you're this ironic, you're _always_ on time.

But most of the reason that you're late today is still talking to you on your cellphone as you drive.

“So I'll stop into the video store today,” Terezi was saying, “and we'll se what happens, and go from there.” She was nervous, and taking a bus from her college back home at last after two years of being away from home doing pre-law.

There's a great feeling in your belly as you talk to her and that is so unironic. But you don't even mind. The feeling is half-butterflies, half-horniness, and half-awful-horrible nerves because what if this doesn't work out?

“Rezi, baby, don't stress. Suck on some Jolly Ranchers or something and bliss out. Whatever happens, it's all going to be okay. Promise.”

She cackles, despite her nerves. She's been keyed up and shit for months about this day in particular. “Okay. At least Karkat doesn't have to work today...”

You are pretty keyed up too, and that's why the shades always stay on.

It was about a year ago now that you called her for legal advice. You’ve always talked on occasion and always gotten along pretty well. But now you wanted advice on a specific legal matter and she was the only one you trusted well enough to talk about something even semi-private. 

Today, you don’t even remember the legal problem. But you do remember that what turned you on most was her brain. Her brain and her utter insanity. You never knew what she was going to do or say. You never knew what she’d pull, and that was incredible. She surprised him, and disarmed him, and tore down his walls of irony. 

And someone who could do that, he had to have. 

There's a few people waiting outside of the video store when you get there. “Hey, baby, I gotta go. I'm gonna be real happy to see you later.” If John were to see you, he might not recognize you, with how real you are being. She makes you do that, Terezi does.

“Me too. Go deal with the customers. Don't kill anyone,” she says in her sinisterly cute-cheerleader voice, cackles, and hangs up.

This is either going to be the very best day of your life, or the very worst day of your life. Ironically enough, you don't think you'll regret it, either way.

You take a look at the people waiting outside the door to the video store and go up to the door, peering in. “Oh man, isn’t that guy here yet? Fuck!” 

“Yeah, I know,” says a woman leaning against the wall. “I’ve been waiting here for fifteen minutes.” 

“Well damn,” you say. “Man, I’m never coming to this video store again!” You walk away, over to the Quick Stop. You need a Tab. 

“Mother fuck , where have you been, Strider? I’ve been getting nagged by uptight movie renters for hours now!”

You blink and your heart does a painful thud. You didn’t expect him to be here today. “Hey man,” you say, not losing any of your cool, “I thought you were off today.” Inwardly, you’re cursing to yourself. Today is going to suck enough for him (Dave assumes) without him having to work as well...

“Little nookstain took sick,” Karkat snaps. “And I was pestering Terezi for an hour last night, so I didn’t get to sleep right away. I’ve got a splitting headache and this fucking sun doesn’t help matters.” He looks at you. “You heard from ‘Rezi yet today? She’s supposed to be taking a bus back, I just hope the driver isn’t an asshole to her...”

You swallow, but you never lose your poker face. You and Karkat have not always gotten along--that’s John’s thing--but generally, you like the guy. You don’t want to crush him. You get a soda from the case and bring it to the register. 

“Yeah, she called me this morning. She’s on her way, she says that the trip’s been pleasant so far. And anyone who crosses ‘Rezi is taking their lives into their hands anyway.” The corners of your mouth lift imperceptibly.

“True,” Karkat says, flashing a genuine smile for a moment as he rings up the soda. “Anyway, you’d better get over there. I think someone’s head is going to explode from the ire they’re generating. I can feel it from here, like flames on the side of my face. If they come out with pitchforks, let me know so I can make popcorn and watch.”

“Sure thing, bro,” you say, and stroll out of the store towards the video store. Ignoring the angry stares of the customers, you work the lock and open the door, grinning insolently at the customers as they walk in. 

It’s so much fun to screw with the customers sometimes. 


	4. Malaise

==>Be Karkat

You sigh as you listen to a customer at the counter debate under his breath about which candy bar to choose. Jegus, it’s worse than listening to John debate the relative merits on which of Nic Cage’s movies to watch on movie night.

Finally, the nooksniffer chooses a candy bar (really, all that fuss for a  Hershey bar ? really?), pays for it, and walks out. You lean on the back of the counter, covering your face with one hand.

You have to admit, you’re nervous as fuck. You haven’t seen Terezi in over two years, her studies both here and abroad having taken up much of her time.

You can’t help thinking that since you were once matesprits, the separation should have been more difficult. Of course, you miss her, you miss her badly. You’re looking forward to seeing her.

But it was different than in high school, when you could barely go to separate classes without nearly having a breakdown. You wonder if this is normal for long time matesprits, but there’s really no one to ask about it. You don’t know many trolls older than you. And you’re an adult. Technically, you guess. You certainly don’t feel grown-up most of the time.

The only time it’s better is when John is around. You think it’s probably because he’s such a big dork that it’s hard to feel worried when he’s beside you, geeking out over the ridiculous movies he chooses. Or asking you stupid questions about your troll rom-coms.

You don’t have to think or worry during movie night, though. That helps.

The door swings open and here come Gamzee and Tavros, the faint smoky scent of illicit substances clinging to their clothing. “Hey there, best motherfucker...I thought you were offa work today.”

“Nah, the day guy called out sick. Boss is supposed to be here by noon.” But it’s 11:30 now and you’re starting to worry. Terezi is supposed to be here by four thirty and you were all supposed to go to John’s house for movies...but if you’re stuck here till closing, that would be...well. You’ll would be in no shape at all to watch movies, or even stay awake through the night like a troll should. And he didn’t know how long Terezi was going to be here.

Why are you more concerned with movie night at John’s than the fact that your fucking  matesprit   (okay, former) is going to be here in less than five hours? That makes no fucking sense.

“Aw, man, that sucks. Hope he gets here soon, so you can get your chill on. Willin’ to part with some sweet stock if you’re interested.” Gamzee smiled through the clown makeup dopily as Tavros rolled up with some snack cakes and Faygo and set them on the counter, reaching into his pants for some rolled up ones.

You give them one of your brief smiles. “Nah, but keep me in mind, though...might take you up on it one day.” He gave Tavros his change.

Tav flashes you a peace sign and Gamzee grins at him fondly. “C’mon, motherfucker, let’s go get our snack on. Peace out, bro.”

Dave holds the door as Gamzee and Tavros exit the store and gives both of them fistbumps as they leave. He pulls a  Bluntman and Chronic comic book out of his jeans pocket and leans against the cash register, reading.

You shake your head at him. “Busy?”

“Not really. People are all  bitch, bitch, bitch . Got no time for that, man.”

You are always stunned that Dave doesn’t take his job more seriously. Sure, he DJ’s at a club most nights, but he wouldn’t be working here if he didn’t want to, would he? “You are so going to get fired.”

Dave shrugs. “Whatever, man. I’m just doing this for the insurance.”

“You get insurance?” Gogdammit, why couldn’t he have gotten that job?

“Hey man, you’re a healthy troll. Full of manliness--or trolliness, whatever. You’re healthy, you can deal.”

You sigh. “Shut up, fuckass.” You wish he wouldn’t remind you that there’s nothing really wrong with you. There’s no reason for you to have difficulty improving your situation in life. Except that you’re having difficulty with it, of course. You pause for a moment, thinking. “You unhealthy?” Dave never seems to be but humans are strange and you aren’t sure you could always tell.

“Fit as a fiddle. But you never know when that’ll change.” He looks at you out of the side of his sunglasses so you can see his red eyes. “Family shit.”

You nod. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk about whatever family difficulty is that he’s inherited. “Sorry about that, man.”

Dave shrugs again. “No big. Gotta live for today, man.” He folded up the comic and shoved it in his back pocket. “Came over to say I just heard from ‘Rezi. They just had a stopover and she’s back on the bus. She might be a little late, though, so don’t worry. She’s gonna try to sleep now.”

You nod. She knows you worry. She knows you so well and she derves someone better, you know. You wonder, idly, if she’s ever actually made the effort explore ‘different relationships’ like she'd said she wanted to before she left for college. You certainly haven’t had the desire. You don't really know if you're still flushed for her but it might be nice to try once she's back.

“Thanks, Dave.” For a moment, you wonder why she didn’t text you, but you also know that you have a lot of mutual friends, including Dave, and she’s friendly with everyone.

Dave glances out of the window of the door and the corners of his mouth lift a little. He heads over behind the counter next to you, leans over and grabs a troll porn mag, and begins to read nonchalantly. You look at him weirdly till you figure out why: Eridan has just walked in.

You make an effort to straighten out your face but you know Dave is out to embarrass the fuck out of that hipster douchebag. It’s the one time you really don’t care about getting in trouble. Which you will, inevitably, even if you aren’t the one embarrassing the idiot.

Eridan gets his green tea and pistachios and comes up to the counter, asking for a pack of clove cigarettes in his usual imperious manner. As you’re getting them, Dave comes out with, “Hey Karkat, do you have any buckets here?”

Your cheeks flush, but you play along. Because it’s Eridan. “Nah, not here.”

“Aw, too bad. You know because they’re useful, you know? You could have a whole display of them. Like, right out there in the open, a nice stack of them. I’ll bet you could have a lot of business, you know? You should stack ‘em real nice, too.”

Eridan’s eyes widen and he blushes purple. “That’s...glubbin’ offensive, that is...”

“Hey man, it’s just marketing. Gotta remove the shame from buckets, man. Make ‘em as accessible as condoms are. Besides, you’ve got that motel right down the road...gotta have a pail nearby, right?”

“I...I...that’s disgusting!” Eridan's voice has gotten about two tones higher.

Dave raises an eyebrow. “You think that’s disgusting?” He turns the porno around to show him what’s on the page he’s looking at. “How about this? I mean, jegus, you can see her entire bonebulge...”

Eridan looks as if he is going to freak out, and hurries out of the store, leaving his items on the counter. Dave puts the porno mag back and holds out his fist to you. You give him a  bunp , because that was awesome.

“You are a fuckin’ sick pervert, Strider.”

He closes the magazine and puts it back on the shelf. “You know it, brother.” He gives you a salute and goes back over to the video store.

You sigh, still grinning, as another customer comes up. “Hey, cute cat. What's his name?”

“Bucketina.”


	5. Whimsy

==>Be Gamzee

It’s a warm spring day and you’ve had the nods, which means that Tav has sort of been chilling out reading the  Bluntman and Chronic comic book that Dave tossed him on his way back to the video store. They both like the comic, but neither of them ever remember to stop by the comic store to pick it up. 

But just now, he’s talking to a girl, what do you know about that? A girl you actually know! “Hey, ‘radia. You come for the miracles?” You yawn and stretch happily.

Aradia grins at you both. “No, just coming to see my old Team Charge partner and his matesprit.”

You love the way Tavros blushes at that. You swear that his horns are even darkening. “It’s good, to see you, Aradia, I miss FLARPing. We should, uh, play the human roleplaying games, because it’s better than, uh. Nothing.” The only time Tav really talks in public is when they talk to people they know. And he looks so happy to see Aradia. And she looks happy to see him.

“So how’s college life, sister?” You’d toyed with the idea of college but you’re much too tempted by the miracles to think about that right now. 

Aradia beamed. “It’s wonderful! I’m learning so much and in a few weeks, we’re going to go on a real dig--I’m very excited!” 

“Well, fuck, sister. That’s just beautiful. Congratulations from me and my Tav-bro here.” Gamzee knows that Tav can’t feel the way he’s stroking his leg but he does it anyway.

“Thanks, Gamzee. I miss being close with you guys, like when we were younger...but I guess people have to move away sometimes...” Aradia didn’t like losing people, and that was something Gamzee understood.

You get up, unfolding your long, lanky body from the ground. “Aw shit, sister. Can’t help that, it’s the way of the world, man. Like stars, you know? Spinning around and moving, going to a new place in their courses, man. Motherfucking miracles.” He gave her a grin. “Tav, I think we got to get some beats on in this place, people need to party.” Sure, he was sorry his friends had to move on, but like stars, they always come around again. 

Tav reached behind him and turned up the transportable music broadcasting device. “Got the tunes, right here!” He pressed the button, broadcasting a completely ridiculous and loud disco song. 

As Aradia laughed, you begin to dance, eventually pulling Aradia in. Tavros laughed, too.

Life is a beautiful thing, man. Motherfucking miracles. 

==> Be Dave Strider

You know you probably shouldn’t have tweaked Eridan like that, but the guy is just annoying, and you can’t resist. He’s too much fun to wind up. 

When you get back to the store, there’s a mom and her kid waiting there. At least it’s a  human mom and kid, because you have to make an order with the distributor and it was all troll porn.

The titles are nonsense and thank god they’re shorter than the mainstream troll movies. At least it would be easier to order. You often have to arrive early at the store to order mainstream troll movies...

“Excuse me, do you have Happy Scrappy Hero Pup?” The mother and her kid are looking at you expectantly. The kid is cute and bright-eyed. 

“Well, I’m on the phone to the distributor, I’ll make sure we get it, okay? I’m pretty sure it isn’t here at the moment...” The distributor picked up. “Oh hey, I have to put in an order? Yeah. Okay, here goes: The Bucket List, Pails and Moirails, The Subjuggulator’s Pail Quadrant, The Highblood’s Matesprit, Mop and Buckets, Bonebulging Buckets, Pale and Pailing, Two Trolls, one Bucket... and Happy Scrappy Hero Pup?” You look at the woman for confirmation.

She nods dazedly.

“Yeah, that’s it. Okay. Thanks.” You hang up the phone. “All set. They should have that movie in by tomorrow. Want me to reserve it for you?”

“...Yeah.”

The little girl clapped. “Buckets!” she cried joyfully.


	6. Unrequited

  
==>Be John Egbert

You have been in love with Karkat Vantas for five years. Of course, for about two of those five years, you were in complete and utter denial. It was easier when Terezi was right there, a reminder that he was most definitely unavailable and that you were most definitely  not a homosexual.

Probably.

But then Terezi had broken things off and gone to college, and Karkat had begun clinging to you, and now you know that whether you are a homosexual or not, you are completely and totally in love with Karkat Vantas. 

It’s hard being in love with someone who is in love with someone else. It’s hard and nobody understands. You try to convince yourself that being best palhonchos with him will be enough. That you’ll find someone else.

But it isn’t, and you haven’t, and you’ve tried everything to get over Karkat, even trying to date Rose. Not that Rose was awful but...she isn’t your type. You’ve been chatting with her about things. Including bisexuality, which you think might apply to your case. You don’t really know. Karkat is the only male you’ve been attracted to, really. 

Unless you counted Nic Cage. 

Talking to Rose hasn’t helped much, really, but you know she and Jade and Dave are in your corner at least, which is a nice feeling. And Karkat comes to your apartment, most often alone, on Fridays to watch movies with you. It’s the best part of your week, no exception. He hates your movies, you can’t understand his, but you still look forward to him making fun of your movies, and watching his irate expression when you ask him to explain something that happened in his.

And you know that he likes baked goods. And even though the sight and smell of them turns your stomach a little, you break open the cake mixes to make cupcakes for him every week. Today, you can get a head start, since your class was cancelled.

He likes pink frosting best.

As they’re cooling on the rack, your pesterchum starts flashing, and you answer.

CG: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS   
CG: THAT BASTARD WENT TO VERMONT   
CG: VERMONT!!! HE’LL BE BACK ON TUESDAY!   
CG: WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO CLOSE   
CG: AND MOVIE NIGHT IS A NO-GO   
CG: FML!!!!   
EB: :( oh man, that sucks!!   
EB: but it’ll be ok, karkat. I’ve got a little time before my next class...i’m going to come down and see you in about an hour! I’ll bring you something special!   
CG: PLEASE TELL ME IT’S NOT GOING TO INVOLVE A FILTHY STUFFED RABBIT   
EB: ha ha no. i’ll see you shortly!

You grin. You’re very glad you made the cupcakes early...

==> Be Karkat Vantas

You are so far away from happy that the light from happy will not reach you for another hundred million years. It is noontime, and you are already fading quickly from lack of sleep, and you have not eaten since last night. And you have the prospect of working until 9 pm that night, by which time you will be wide awake and overtired, which is never a good combination.

And to top that off, you have a splitting headache that is making you nauseous.

“Uh, do you work here?” The voice is strained. You look up and...the guy has a Pringles can stuck on his arm. Seriously, how does that even happen?

It won’t come off! “God, what the fuck, dude?”

“I was just trying to get the last few chips!”

You can’t even believe this numbskull. It takes a few tries and you’re this close to getting scissors and cutting the damn thing off but he freaks when you come near him with the scissors.

Finally, you pull the can off the guy’s hand and tell him, “Next time, fuckass, leave the last few chips in the damn can!”

You have had no end of stupid questions today, and you are just barely managing to be civil. Why the fuck do you bother labeling prices on anything when no one seems to look at them? And why is iced coffee even a thing? 

You manage to keep it together till there’s a lull in the customer flow, and then you sink down onto the floor behind the cash register, covering your face with your hands. “Fuck! I’m not even supposed to be here today, dammit!”

You hear the door open, the sharp jingling of the door chimes going right through your throbbing head. You keep your eyes closed; maybe if you can’t see the customer, they can’t see you.

Just then, a whiff of something sweet and familiar hits your nose, and you sniff the air. Your eyes pop open and there is a chocolate cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles floating in front of you.

Sweet jegus, you have gone insane. 

And then there’s a soft giggle, and a fake squeaky voice from above says, “Eat me, Karkat! Eat meeeeee... ow!  not so hard, Karkat!” John poked his head over the counter, grinning down. “Hey.”

Your mouth is full of cupcake, so you gesture for John to come over and sit behind the counter with you. He’s carrying a box that contains not only four cupcakes but also a roast beef sandwich, a bag of chips, and a root beer. “I thought I’d bring you lunch. I know you’re probably not going to get a break at all today.”

You look at him in all seriousness. “You are a beautiful person, John Egbert.”

He grins incandescently. “Tell me more,” he says, leaning his head on your shoulder and fluttering his eyelashes at you. It's a little pathetic. It makes your stomach feel strange in a way completely unrelated to hunger.

You shove at him affectionately. “You are also an idiot, but you are the best idiot. The best idiot ever.” You begin to devour your lunch while John starts talking.

“I was thinking, okay, so you won’t be up for movie night but I miss you too much when we don’t have movie night, so I was thinking...” He paused. “Maybe you could just stay over! I’d ride my bike over here as usual, and then you could drive me back to my place, and you could just stay! I’ll even sleep on the sofa, you can have the bed.”

You think about that. If anyone can take your crankiness for one night, it’s John. He seems to put up with just about anything from you, and that’s probably why you’re both still good friends. Terezi is probably going to be tired tonight, and so you say, “Um, sure! Sounds good. I’ll probably be grumpy, though...” As if this is different than any other day of the week.

He nudges you playfully. “I’m used to that.”

For some reason, you’re blushing. You can feel it. But you don’t know why that is. Hell, maybe you’re coming down with something. “Good thing,” you say, and finish off the sandwich and chips. You’re perfectly aware that you’re making a mess back here, but do you care? Not really.

John looks at his watch and sighs. “I gotta go. I just came to drop off your lunch and talk to you a little. I’ll come back around 8:30 or so, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Egbert. You’re kind of awesome,” you admit reluctantly.

John grins and ruffles your hair, then takes off. Grumbling, you stand up, brushing crumbs from your hoodie and trying to flatten your hair down so your horns are visible.  Damn nubby horns.   
...

“Hey, cute cat! What's his name?”   
“The Mirthful Messiah.”


	7. Harbinger

==>Be Dave Strider

You have to go back to the convenience store at some point later, to make sure Vantas doesn’t get too stressed out today. He was glad to see John go in with a box lunch for Karkat, gog knew the guy was having a shitty enough day.  Your job, since John has to go to school today, is to keep Karkat from exploding and killing a customer, or imploding, and sinking into sullen despair.

Despite everything, you like the guy. You’ve known him for years, and though it took you a while to get used to him, you’re okay with him now. Which is why this thing with Terezi is so difficult for  you. You wanted to tell him right away, you’d wanted to explain everything. But Terezi knew Karkat better and said that it would be better if they waited till they saw how they reacted to each other. And for Terezi to tell him in person.

She didn’t want to hurt him if she didn’t have to, and telling something like this over the phone was just not right at all. 

You don’t like it, but you’re going along with it, because you’re not the only person in this equation. You pull out your phone again, to see if Terezi is texting, because you’re worried about her, not that you’ll admit it to her. She’s been stressed with her exams and studies and trying to get into a good law school, which was difficult for a human, much less a troll. 

  
TG: hey babe   
TG: you there   
GC: H3R3. T1R3D, L1GHT 1S TOO BR1GHT 4ND WH4T'S L3FT OF MY OPT1C N3RV3S HURT   
GC: W4NT TO GO HOM3 D4V3   
GC: BUT W3 4R3 STR4ND3D. TH3 BUS THR3W 4 T1R3 4ND W3 4LMOST SM4SH3D 1NTO 4 C4R   
TG: shit. you okay, babe?   
GC: OK, BUT 1 DON’T F33L SO GOOD. 1’M T1R3D. W3’R3 ON TH3 S1D3 OF TH3 RO4D.   
TG: hang in there rezi   
TG: its going to be okay   
TG: did you call karkat   
GC: NOT Y3T. 1 W1LL THOUGH   
GC: HOW 1S H3?   
TG: not bad john is being sweet to him brought him lunch today   
GC: NOW TH3R3’S 4 M4T3SPRIT P41R   
TG: well have to get them together yup   
TG: we have all the matchmaking skills   
TG: all of them   
TG: you should call karkat   
GC: 1 W1LL DO TH4T.   
GC: S33 YOU L4T3R. OR NOT S1NC3, YOU KNOW...   
TG: yes blind i seem to remember that   
TG: cant wait to see you   
GC: H3H3H3

  
==>Be Terezi Pyrope

You are sitting on your luggage in the middle of nowhere with a lot of other people, troll and human. You are tired and you have eaten something that’s disagreed with you.   
And now you are going to call the troll who was your high school matesprit. He still blames you going off to college for the end of your relationship.

That isn’t true, though, and both of you know it. 

But still, you feel guilty.  Yes, Your Honorable Tyranny, I am completely guilty of not being completely honest with my former matesprit. 

He answers with a weary, “Vantas.”

“Hey, Karkat.”

“Hey, Terezi! How are you? You must be nearly here, right?”  You can hear his tiny, short-lived smile in his voice. You hear it when it starts, and you know when it’s gone. It always makes you sad.

You have always been interested in orchestrating the demise of the wicked. But what happens when  you are wicked, you wonder. 

“Actually, I’m going to be late getting there,” you explain. “The bus broke down and they’re fixing it now.” You keep the misery out of your voice. You have been working hard, and worrying about Karkat, and worrying about what is going to happen when you meet Dave for the first time since you started feeling flushed for him. There are other things to worry about too, but those are the two main ones, and you feel as if you’re coming down with something.

“Aw man,” he says. “Are you okay? You don’t sound good.”

“I’m okay. Just looking forward to getting there. Looking forward to sleep for the first time in three months. And seeing--everyone. I miss you.” And that was completely and honestly true.

“Looking forward to seeing you too,” he says and you can hear the smile happen and fade again.

“You doing okay at work? Sucks that you had to go in...you should quit that job, you know.” He’s so much better than that job. You, of all people, know his finer points. 

“Yeah...I know.” He sighs and you mentally kick yourself because you didn’t want to make him feel that way.

“But I’ll see you later, Karkat, and we can talk...I miss just...being in the same room with you and talking.” You wish, sometimes, that it could be the way it was when you were both in high school. Things would be a lot easier, if they were.

“Yeah...I miss that too.” Maybe his smile stayed a little longer that time. “But...yeah, I gotta go. I have fuckin’ customers...”

“Yeah. Yeah...and it looks like the repair guys are here so they’ll be able to fix the bus...I’ll be okay.”

“Good! See you soon, then.” You can hear him just before he hangs up, demanding,  “What?!” at a customer. 

“See you soon.” You hang up the phone and wince at how painfully awkward that conversation was. You pull Pyralsprite out of your bag and into your lap and bury your face in his white plush fur. 

If there were any sort of mercy in Alternian court, you’d throw yourself on it. 

==>Be Karkat Vantas

You hang up your cell phone and let your head fall onto the counter after you’ve rung up the customers you’ve been waiting on. 

Why are you doing this to yourself? 

It’s over, you  know  it’s over. But you don’t  want  it to be. You say you blame the dissolution of your matespritship on Terezi going off to school, but that isn’t precisely true, and you know that. (You tell yourself this repeatedly every single day.)

You know you fucked it up, like you fuck up everything. And all you’ve been thinking of since you realized she was coming home for the summer is just one more chance to work things out. Maybe you wouldn’t be such a fuckup this time around, maybe you would be better, more of what she needed. 

And maybe she is what you need to get your ass in gear and get out of the situation you’re was in. 

You don’t know. You just want to  feel  something again. You’ve felt numb for years, in a rut, in a funk. There are times when you don’t remember the previous day. Sometimes you don’t remember an hour ago. Every day is the same, and they’re hard to keep track of sometimes. And you aren’t sure how much longer you can deal with it. 

You just don’t want to feel like a fuckup anymore. 


	8. Soporific

==>Be Tavros

Gamzee has wheeled you out behind the small shopping plaza where you sell, and he's rolling a joint. You don't usually light up when you're selling.

But you're starting to have pain again. You never say anything but he can tell by the way your smile gets tight and you start to wince when you reach to get the money.

“Gamzee, we're, gonna get caught.” And prison isn't something you want for yourself.

“Relax motherfucker, I've got this.” He sticks the blunt into your mouth gently and lights it up.    
“You're the one with pain.”

You take a long drag, and hold it for a moment or two. “It's not, that bad,” you say, exhaling and passing the joint over. It's a lie and you both know it. He grins dopily up at you and takes the blunt from you to take a turn.

“It's my job to keep you out of pain, bro.”

You look at him and you know the expression on your face is half-way between stoned and adoring. You can't believe, sometimes, how soft and sweet and kind he is, especially when you've seen him lose his temper and become scary. But not with you, never with you.

“Do you, ever have pain, Gamzee?” You wonder because you never really hear him complain. He's always a mellow sort of happy, especially when you both were in your recuperacoon and all curled up together.

“Well, yeah bro, of course. Everybody has pain,” he says in his slow voice. “But it's not like your pain. Mine's all up in my noggin. The sacred weed helps with that. Humans come up with the totally badass shit sometimes...”

“Yeah,” you say, as the blunt is passed back to you. Thoughtfully, you take another drag of it. “It's my job, to make you not hurt, as well.”

He smiled then, bright sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight and his eyes soft. “You're already my painkiller, bro. Don't sweat it.”

You pass the joint back and forth till it's just at it's dregs and then you grin at each other sloppily and head back around to the front.

There's a skinny human out front, looking shifty. “Hey, bro. What'cha want,” Gamzee says. The guy wants meth but you guys don't sell meth. Gamzee, a foot taller than the skinny human guy, slings his arm around the junkie's shoulders to explain why he shouldn't be on that shit. He doesn’t have to do that. He could just tell him where to get the stuff. But he’ll try to convince him to leave the meth anyway. Probably give him a nickel bag free. 

And that's why you are so flushed for Gamzee.

Sometimes, you aren't sure why he's so flushed for you, though.

==> Be John Egbert

You are in your  English Composition class, and usually, you are right on the ball.

But not today.

You can't get your mind off of Karkat. The way he said you were beautiful. The way he leaned his head on your shoulder. The need in his eyes. Could you be imagining it? You sigh and lean your head on your hand dreamily, stretching your legs out in front of you.

Someone kicks your chair. You turn to find Rose looking at you. “Pay attention,” she mouths at you.   
You just stick your tongue out at her because you think there might actually be a chance. And for today, that's the only thing that matters.

She catches up with you after class. “What's the matter with you today, John? You never miss a question in Composition!”

“Mmm, can't a guy just have an awesome day? Or...possibly awesome?”

She rolled her eyes. “Karkat again?”

“What about Karkat?” It was Kanaya, rushing up to walk with you and Rose.

“John's being an idiot,” Rose sighed.

“Oh, John,” Kanaya said softly.

“No, you didn't see him! He was so sweet earlier...”

Kanaya sighed. “Karkat is a sweet troll. Of course, you need to detect the sweetness under layers and layers of profanity...”

You just giggle. The joy of possibly, possibly getting somewhere with Karkat is just bubbling up within you.

“John,” Kanaya says seriously, “Please remember that Karkat still seems to be quite flushed for Terezi. It won’t be easy for him to give that idea up, even if it’s unrequited...”

“I know, I know! But I really think he needs me!” You're making plans in your head. You're going to ride to the store tonight, watch as he closes up. He's going to call you a fuckass for riding your bike when you know it's going to rain later, and he'll toss the bike in the bed of his truck. He'll drive you to your house, and it will rain against the windows, you'll watch the lights go by, and if the moment is  exactly right, maybe you'll scoot over next to him and lay your head on his shoulder and it will be the best and most romantic thing ever...

Rose sighs. “Forget it, Kanaya. He's hopeless.”


	9. STRONG/Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so here's some notes on the Clerkstuck AU-verse. Mostly, it becomes relevant at the Intermission.
> 
> All of the trolls we know are part of the first generation of trolls to be raised on Earth. All of the trolls got human host families since not all of the lusus caretakers survived the trip from Alternia. Tavros' host family is very kind and sweet and he has two younger human half-sisters. Gamzee's family is scared of him and he doesn't see them much.
> 
> The intermission is sort of PSA-style, rather like this bit of Clerks: the Animated Series: http://youtu.be/Oy1xp1Ascec Yeah, I hope you enjoy it! :)

==>Be Karkat. 

Equius and Nepeta are waiting for you to bag their stuff and you sigh as you lift the milk jug into the bag. 

“You seem to have been losing your muscle tone, Karkat,” Equius says. “You do not seem as  strong as you should be.” 

“Oh, shut up, fuckass. I’m perfectly all right.” 

Nepeta smiles at him. “I think Karkitty is perfectly adorable in his own squishy way.” 

You bristle. “I am not squishy! I am a raging lump of trollmuscle.” 

“I beg to differ, Karkat. You grunted as you were bagging a gallon of milk, which is  not a heavy item in any case.” 

“I did not grunt! I  sighed .” As far as Karkat is concerned, he deserves to sigh all he fucking wants to. “I’m not even supposed to be here today,” he muttered. 

Nepeta climbs up on the counter to rub her face against yours. Oh, gog... “Gah! Nep, would you please not do that?” 

“Awww, I thought Karkitty needed a nuzzle.” She grins at you and licks your nose. 

You roll your eyes and shake your head as she leaps off of the counter and starts to follow the store cat around. Nepeta is one of the craziest people you know and sometimes you worry about her. 

“If you would like, Karkat, I am sure I could come up with an exercise regimen to help you become  stronger .” 

You sigh. Again. Equius had once been all about the arrogance of being a highblood but his moirail’s ways had begun to soften that in him a long time ago. Equius is wringing his everpresent towel in his hands. He is really  trying , the idiot. 

“Sure, Eq. Lay it on me,” you say in resignation, and lean your head on your hand to listen. 

==>INTERMISSION: Makin’ friends with Gamzee and Tavros:  Differences are motherfucking miracles, man. 

  
It’s a normal day on a playground. Kids are climbing on the jungle gyms and playing tag, and most of them are just happy to be there. But of course, just like every playground everywhere in the world, there are some kids who are just not playing. 

They’re teasing, taunting other kids who maybe aren’t as strong as they are, or look a little differently. Or are just too gentle to fight back. 

==>Be Gamzee Makara

You are Gamzee and you HATE THAT SHIT. It makes you ANGRY when kids are all up in other kids’ faces just for being different. As you push Tavros’ chair past the playground, you really just want to SCHOOLFEED those MOTHERFUCKERS about differences and MIRACLES and make them LEARN. 

But Tav pats your hand, and then you know that you need to be gentle, cos of course they’re just wrigglers, just little grubs. So it’s not too late to give them some schooling of the more gentle sort...

“C’mon, Tavbro, let’s do our good troll deed for the day, motherfucker,” you say as you push the wheelchair towards the playground. 

“Hey there, little wriggler motherfuckers,” you say cheerily to the kids who are teasing. “Whatcha doin’ there?” 

The kids who are teasing stop, look up (way up) at you, and you give them what you think is a friendly smile. They’re awfully little. Lots of them are human, too, so they’re even littler than you think they should be. 

One of the little kids who was being teased looks over and says, “Tavros!” 

You know this little girl. “Hey, sister! Oh, lookit that, someone we know. Motherfucking miracles, man.” You sit on the ground beside Tav’s wheelchair. 

The little girl climbs up into Tavros’ lap. “Hey sis,” Tav says, and hugs her. 

“You know,” you say, in your slow, deep voice, “it ain’t right to be all up and pickin’ on motherfuckers who are different than you.” All the kids seem to be paying real close attention, so you decide to go on. “Cos it’s real not nice and you never know what a motherfucker is gonna do once they get angry enough, you know?” 

The kids definitely look a little bit nervous and a few of them are edging away from you. 

“Um, yeah, and it’s really not nice, to do that.” Tavros put in, cradling his youngest human sister on his lap. “Everyone, is special and we all have differences, between us. It’s better, to make friends, than to, um. Not.” 

You reach over for the nearest wide-eyed little kid and pat their head firmly. “Tavbro here is completely right, motherfuckers. Differences are motherfucking miracles, man. So no matter what your horns look like, or what colors your blood or skin is, it’s all part of the miracle of livin’, man, like a motherfucking rainbow. Right, Tav?” 

“Yeah, Gamzee.” 

Most of the little kids are easing away from the two of you, but one little girl goes up to Tavros’ sister and says, “‘m sorry, Moira.” And then she runs away after the others. 

Moira turned her face into Tavros’ chest and Gamzee grinned up at them. “Hey, blondie wriggler, how about we go to Mooby’s for chicken nuggets? I’m feelin’ the need to get my munch on.” 

The little girl peeked at Gamzee and grinned, nodding. “But how do we get there?” 

Gamzee got up off of the ground and took his place behind Tavros’ wheelchair. 

“Second street to the right, and straight on till y’get there, little sister.” 


	10. Catharsis

==>Be Terezi Pyrope

At long last, your journey is coming to a close. You are tired and cranky and excited and nervous, and you are in a cab which tastes terrible, headed for the small shopping plaza where your boys work. 

You feel kind of bad about calling them both ‘your boys’. 

You know that Karkat is not your matesprit anymore, and he’s certainly not your kismesis. Why does it suddenly seem that four quadrants just isn’t  _enough_? Just because he isn’t in a quadrant doesn’t mean he isn’t  _special_ to you! 

Ugh, why does this stuff have to be so _hard?_

But still, you feel better when the cab pulls into the parking lot and you get out. You smell rain in the air and feel the cool sensation of approaching dusk on your cheek. This has been the longest day ever and you are more than ready for the night. 

“Terezi!” 

Your favorite pair of miscreants are standing against the wall between the Quick Stop and the video store--you can smell their grape and brownie flavors from here. You obviously can’t see them, but you know that Tavros is waving from his wheelchair.  

That makes you smile as you walk over to them, tap-tap-tapping with your cane. “Hey, how are the miracles today?” 

Gamzee has gotten off of the ground and he’s the first one to hug you. “They’re amazing, sister! And just havin’ you here is a motherfucking miracle all by it’s lonesome.” He’s at least two feet taller than you are and you always feel better when there are hugs. 

You bend down to hug Tavros too. “You guys smell awesome. And not just from your illicit substances.” 

“That’s because happy has it’s own special flavor, sis.” 

“It’s good, that you’re back, um, I think people really missed, you. Not just me.” You grin towards Tavros’ voice. He’s the closest thing you’ve had to a moirail since middle school, but you’ll admit, right now, your quadrants are in a terrible disarray, and have been since Vriska went to prison and you and Karkat fell apart. You’ve been much too busy with university and work to deal with it. 

Since you’ll be going to law school much closer to home and your friends, you’ll be able to stabilize your quadrants. You hope.

He pats your head gently and you sigh. Tavros is a very non-traditional troll but you think there should be more like him around. “You guys behaving yourselves? I don’t want to make my lawyerly debut getting you guys out of prison.” 

“Shit, sister, we’ve been good. Only dealin’ the good herb and steerin’ other brothers towards the light.” 

You laugh. “Mmm, I’ll bet. Make sure you stick to weed, then. Anything harder and you know they’ll haul your horns right into prison.” 

Tavros nodded solemnly. “I promised mom I wouldn’t, don’t worry.” 

You touch your fist lightly to Tavros’ jaw as he grins at  you. “You tell your mom hi from me, though you know I’ll be around to see her soon. I should go visit Karkles.” 

Gamzee nodded. “Yeah, he needs a visit, guy’s had a real rough day.” 

You sigh. “That’s what I was afraid of.” 

==>Be Karkat Vantas  


When Terezi walks into the shop, your blood pusher stops working for a moment. By the time it starts beating again, you’ve practically leapt over the counter to hug her. 

She cackles and it really feels good to hear her laugh again. “Wow, what a welcome, Karkles!” 

You growl, but there’s no anger in it. “Don’t call me that.” 

She ruffles your hair. “Sorry our plans fell through for tonight, but we’ll catch up later!” 

“Yeah, we will. It’ll be good to catch up...talk and stuff.” You feel ridiculously shy and you know you shouldn’t feel that way, because it’s  _Terezi_ , for heaven’s sake.  “What are you doing tonight?” 

“Well, I was going to stop over at the video store to visit Dave and then go home, since plans fell through. I figure we can all do a movie night later in the week.” She looks down at the ground for a moment, but then grins again. “Lord knows those awful movies of yours will keep for a while.” 

You give her a light punch on the arm. “Hey, don’t diss my movies. They’re masterpieces of classic troll cinema.” 

She sticks her tongue out at you. You’re glad that she’s largely grown out of licking everything in sight. “It’s ok, sometimes it’s good to have something from the ‘old country’.” Terezi chuckles. “Hey, how’s Egbert? I never get the chance to troll him anymore.” 

For some reason, you feel like you’re blushing and you don’t know why. “He’s good. He’s ridiculously busy with school, sometimes I think he’s going to break his derpy little brain. He brought me lunch today, the big dope.” 

Terezi’s face softens. “That’s sweet. Did he bring you cupcakes?” 

“Does everybody know my weakness?” you sigh grumpily. 

But you don’t want to talk about John. He fogs everything up. 

“Yep, Karkles, we all know your fondness for chocolate cupcakes with fluffy pink icing.” 

You growl, but again, it’s without anger. You look up with a half-smile, and she just gives you this look. 

“I’d really like to get to know you again,” you say, keeping your voice as calm as you can. You’re being extremely cautious. You’re still not certain of anything. 

“Yeah, we have kind of...lost track a bit, haven’t we?”  She looks uneasy, turns her blind eyes to her own feet, which is...not really something she ever does.When she looks up again, she says, “We’ll have plenty of time to catch up this summer. I’m just clerking at the local court and applying for law schools like a madwoman.” 

You nod. “You’re not going to have any problems, you’re already brilliant.” 

Terezi blushes teal, smiling. It’s been a while since he’s seen that particular expression on her face and it makes his blood pusher do strange things. 

She bites her lip. “I...I’m real tired, Karkat...I should go visit Dave and get home...” 

You nod. Of course she’s tired, she’s just spent the past twelve hours on a bus. In daylight, which is never really great for a troll. “Yeah, you go do that...we’ll catch up later.” 

She smiles at you and you think there’s affection there. You hope. She leans in and kisses your cheek. “See you later!” she says, and goes next door. 

==>Be Dave Strider

Of course you noticed when she got here. A million and one cabs come through here, let off people, and drive away and you barely notice. 

But you’d picked up your head as soon as you heard the door slam on her cab, and you’d watched her go over to the Quick Stop, stopping to chat with Gam and Tav on the way.  And now you can’t relax, in the worst way. 

This is  not even ironic, this is probably the  _least_ ironic twenty minutes of your life. You are worse than a preteen girl waiting for her crush to call her on the phone. You can’t even put a label on the embarrassment you feel as you stand in the doorway, watching sideways to see when she starts towards the video store.   

And you don’t care. Gam and Tav are with a customer when Terezi starts tapping her way down the walk to the video store, stopping only briefly to ruffle Tavros’ mohawk.  You come towards her, and she knows you’re there, of course she does, she can probably smell you.  But you say something anyway. 

“‘Sup.” And you reach out and cup her elbow, the way that you’d read that you should when you want to lead someone. 

And she gives you this sweet, tilted,  _wicked_ smile, folds up her cane, and lets you lead her. 

This is  so unironic. And you don’t even care. 

“I hope everyone was nice to you,” you say. _Oh thank gog my voice isn’t shaking._ “I don’t wanna have to go all medieval on their asses.” 

“Mmmmm, I don’t know,” she says. “There was a severely annoying human behind me. He kept snoring allllll day and kept me awake...” 

“Oh, he’s in for some pain,” you say, opening the door and leading her inside.  “Want him gutted or just flayed alive?” 

She giggles maniacally. Dear gog, she’s hotter than hell. 

You lean against the counter and turn to her.   “So. How’s Karkat?” You usually call him Karkles, but it doesn’t feel right at the moment. 

Terezi sighs. “He’s trying to be flushed for me but he’s really flushed for John. So...about what I thought?” You can tell she feels horrible about that. 

You lick your lips nervously. “So. How are  _you_ _?_ ” This is way different than just chatting over Skype, watching her lick the monitor while the back of your neck prickled with sudden heat, than just sending her crappy comics while she cackled at them. 

When she lifts her chin, you aren’t sure if she’s going to lick you, kiss you, or if the CSI team is going to find you in the morning completely drained of fluids, with a big shit-eating grin on your face, painted on with red paint. 

And when she’s suddenly filling your arms with tall, angular troll girl and kissing you, you’re _s_ _till not sure_ and that’s fucking hot as sin. She pulls away momentarily and shoves off your shades, pushing her hands through your  hair, leaning close, breathing in what she can smell of you, and her body shudders against you and  _oh god that’s fucking hot_ and you thread your fingers in her hair.  She’s careful of her teeth, but not too careful, and the copper tang of your blood fills your mouth. 

You do not care at all. Not a bit. Not a whit, even. 

She has a double handful of your Pokemon shirt and is devouring your mouth with lips and tongue and teeth, making your toes curl inside your red Chucks. You think you can feel her heart beating through her shirt and your shirt, she's pressed so closely against you.

You take charge and wrap your arms around her, fisting your hand into her hair, and she makes a soft sort of trilling sound that makes your knees shake. You didn't understand the flushed quadrant before, but you do now: you could never leave her alone, can't let her go, would never be able to let her leave you.

And you also know something else: there's no way Karkat is flushed for Terezi anymore.

And this is the best day ever until someone pulls you off of Terezi and punches you dead in the mouth.

==> Be Karkat Vantas.

This can't be happening. This CAN'T be happening.

You were beginning your end of night cleanup two hours before the store closes. John would be here any minute and you can’t wait to call him a fuckass for riding his bike over when he knew it was going to rain. 

And then a furious video store customer came in and started ranting about the “clerk making out with some girl” right in front of the store window, and your gut got a sinking, empty feeling.

You didn’t really want to, but you kind of had to after that. Heedless of leaving the store completely unattended, you went over to the video store to see what was going on. 

So you look into the video store window and you see Dave and Terezi locked in a passionate embrace.

You have  _never_ been kissed like that. By anyone, even Terezi. 

As you tear into the store, you reflect that you aren't angry with Terezi...she'd broken off the seriousness of the relationship because she knew it wouldn’t last a separation like this. 

It's Dave. You're angry at Dave for not telling you, for letting you find out this way, and as you pull him away from your former matesprit, you draw your fist back and your vision goes awash in red. It feels incredible and horrible to land that first punch. 

That’s all you land, though. Terezi tears you away from him, and  _oh yes, they’re definitely matesprits gogdammit, why didn’t she tell me_ _?_ She roars and growls at him, baring her teeth. 

“Stop it, Karkat, gogdammit!” She is strifing with you but not very hard--she doesn’t want to  hurt  you...

You’re trying to get around Terezi to get at Dave. “I TRUSTED YOU, FUCKASS, YOU STUPID INCONSIDERATE  _FUCK!”_ Your voice is cracking. You keep screaming at him but you've slipped into Alternian completely.

You are angry and you know you are wrong. But you don’t care because you  _hurt_ and everything _sucks _ and you want to annihilate everyone  _and _ yourself. 

Terezi is screaming at you in Alternian and Dave is trying to protect Terezi and trying to talk to you, and you are not comprehending  _anything. _

==> Be John Egbert

You pedal over to the Quick Stop. This is usually the best part of your day.

But Karkat is not at the Quick Stop and there are customers wondering where the clerk is. 

You frown in concern. You go back out to the parking lot and you hear the distinctive sound of Alternian being screamed. You can see that Tavros is getting agitated and Gamzee is trying to get him to calm down. “You gotta let them fight all that motherfucking shit out, Tav...” 

It's coming from the video store, so you hurry over there and you see Karkat strifing against what looks like Terezi and Dave. They’re not getting very physical but there is blood on the floor, mostly red and Dave is sporting a bruise under one eye. 

Oh. Shit.

You rush inside, and the first thing you do is pull Karkat away from Terezi and Dave. Terezi sort of hugs Dave and pulls him to the opposite side of the room. Dave doesn’t look angry anymore but he does put his hand to his face. “See, this is why I wanted to tell him before this...” he muttered. 

You go over to Karkat, who is not screaming so much anymore. He looks tired and there are tears on his cheeks. Your heart hurts for him, but he’s still trying to strife with Dave. You hold him back, and he’s exhausted, so it’s not very difficult. 

You put your hands to his face, tipping him up to look at you. He hits you on the shoulder, but his punches are weak. He's obviously exhausted, and he looks so pitiful. You don’t know what else to do, so you pull him to you and kiss him hard. 

You've wanted to do this for _years._

He tastes like tears and coffee and you think there's blood in the mix somewhere. You don't care about that. You slide both hands into his hair and your fingers brush against the base of his horns. Karkat shivers and braces his hands against your chest, but doesn't push you away. You taste him with your tongue, not caring when his teeth scrape your bottom lip and draw blood.

And then he shoves you away abruptly and you stumble back. You look into his face and all you can see is...bewilderment. Anger. Hurt. His fists are doubled up and at his sides, ready to fight.

Your heart crashes to the floor.

It's been five years of steadily realizing how you feel. Two years of gentle, active pursuit. Two years of being there for him, giving up your school of choice to be near him, to protect him. And he's _looking_ at you and you just know you've destroyed everything.

For a few moments, your mouth works silently as he glares at you. “I...I'll just go...then.”

You turn around and run out of the store, hurring over to where you dropped your bike and begin riding home as fast as possible. You don't care when it starts raining, or when a car passes too close to you and makes you lose your balance so that you wipe out in a ditch. You get banged up pretty bad. You try to ride your bike again, but it's so badly mangled that you just leave it there on the side of the road and start walking.

You think you'll just leave town tomorrow. Go visit Dad. Rest a while.

Maybe it would just be best to get away from everyone.


	11. Denouement

==>Be Dave Strider

  
Welp. 

This is a certainly is a clusterfuck. 

Practically as soon as John was out the door, Tavros and Gamzee had hurried in, each to their respective moirails.  _The Moirail Calvary, yippie ki yay, motherfucker._

You, on the other hand, just sit on the floor and put your head in your hands. You see where your shades have fallen on the floor and you slide them onto your face and watch the clusterfuck continue all around you. 

Though after John’s little interruption, things have calmed considerably. 

Gamzee doesn’t have much of a job, since Karkat had deflated soon after John ran out, all the angry draining out of him and leaving only hurt. And Tavros is just patting Terezi’s head and murmuring to her in Alternian as she tries to calm herself down. 

Eventually, she makes her way over to you, shamefaced. “You were right,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.” 

Okay, her psychotic cheerleader voice should never sound like that. “Stop. You had the best intentions, okay?” 

She touches your face sadly. You catch her hand in yours and kiss it. “Stop. I’m fine. Go talk to Tav again and then talk to him.” You indicate Karkat. “Imma just gonna sit here for a while.” Because really...it’s best you stay out of it right now. 

==> Be Terezi Pyrope

You feel awful. You never meant to hurt _anyone_ and you really didn’t know that Karkat was still  hoping for something flushed from you for sure till today. Tavros pats your hand and pulls you down for a hug. “You should, tell me things like this, so I can, uh, help,” he murmurs in your ear. 

You want to cry again because you do not deserve a moirail as sweet as Tavros. At all. But you just say, “Okay...I should...I should talk to Karkat.” He nods at you and pats your shoulder. 

You go over to where Gamzee is holding Karkat tight. “Hey, motherfucker, gotta get your calm on, man...” You can tell by the way Karkat is breathing that he’s still upset but much calmer. Gamzee is a good moirail. 

“Gamzee? Could I...talk to Karkat?” You can’t believe how horrible this has turned out for everyone involved. 

Gamzee pats his moirail’s head. “Hey, man... ‘Rezi wants to talk to you. You down for that?” 

Karkat sighs. “All right.” He backs away and you can smell his tears. “Why?! Why the fuck did you  _do_ this to me?”

You shake your head. “I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. It's... not Dave's fault, he wanted to tell you right away, but I told him not to...”

 _“Why?”_ He's just looking at you.

“I...I just didn't want to hurt you, not till I knew it was really real. I didn’t want to tell you about it over Trollian or over the phone... I was going to tell you tonight and then you'd at least...have some time with John to comfort you...” But you've screwed that up too, and now gog knew where John was...

==> Be Karkat Vantas

You feel sick and exhausted. All your rage is gone and you feel limp and useless and you wrap your arms around yourself. “John and I aren't like that,” you murmur but in your heart, you know that isn't quite true.

Because the only thing filling your brain is that kicked baby yap-beast look on John's face before he left. “Sssshit,” you mumble, and hide your face against Gamzee’s shoulder again.

“I'm so sorry, Karkat,” Terezi says again, and your blood pusher constricts. 

“S' my fault,” you mumble. “I knew it wasn't right for a long time.” Because if they were still matesprits, you'd have been working constantly to get to her...and wouldn't rest till you had. And let’s face it, you haven’t been working at it. At all.   _“_ _Fuck._ Did I hurt Strider bad?”

“Strider is in fucking pain but he is fine.” Dave appears from around the corner, pushing his shades up onto his nose. “That was a freebie, Vantas.” He's less bruised than you expected but you weren't using all your strength. He still looks terrible, but you feel worse than he looks.

“Fuck. I'm sorry, man...”

Dave holds out his hands, palms out. “No apologies, man. You had every right to be pissed off.”

You nod and you have never felt so unhappy in your life. You look at Terezi and you haven't seen her cry in a very long time. You sigh and touch her face. “I just...I want you to be happy, okay 'Rezi?” You glare over at Dave. “Make sure she is, fuckass.” Terezi manages a little smile and kisses your cheek.

 _ Goodbye. But not really. _

“Sure thing, Karkles,” Dave says. You flip Dave off and head over to the convenience store to start closing.

==>Be Dave Strider

Once everyone was out of the video store, you go to Terezi and pull her tight into your arms. “C’mon. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.” 

She sniffles a little but also laughs a bit too as she presses her face against your shirt. She tips her head up at you. “Where are we going?” 

“I’ve got a two hour gig at the club. We’re going there. And then you’re coming to my place and we’re going to have a sleepover.” 

Terezi raises an eyebrow. “Sleepover?” 

“Totally. We’ll watch  _My Little Ponies_ and do each other’s hair. I’ll let you paint my nails. It’ll be bitchin.” He trailed his fingers through her hair. 

“...Will there be sloppy makeouts?” 

“Would it be a sleepover if there weren’t? Give me some credit, ‘Rezi.” 

All you know is that things are too damn serious and you need to cut that shit out right now.

==>Be Gamzee Makara

You wheel Tavros into the convenience store shortly after Karkat goes back to it. It's time to get some munchies and shit before you guys go home. No parties tonight, just lovin’. You think Tavbro needs it. 

“Hate to bother ya, Kar, but I’m in need of some stuff for my man Tav. And some E-Z Widers.” 

He shrugs. He looks drained. “No problem, get what you need. Still got an hour till closing.” 

“Go get some nuts and shit, Tav. Doctor motherfucker says that you need more protein.” Tav wheels towards the back of the store. “Hey, Kar, you need to crash with us tonight?” Sure, the lovin’ would be on hold but it sure as shit looks like Karkat needs someone right now. “Or maybe you should find John.” 

He snorts bitterly. “Oh no fucking way. Had enough relationship shit tonight to last me for a while.” He rubs his eyes. “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today...” 

“Aw, man, don't take it so harsh. Change is the way of  _miracles_ , man! Stuff dies if it don't change. And you never know, he could be the one for you. Fated, like me and Tav, here.” He's just rolled up beside you with some snacks, and he caught the last few words you said, so he's got a deep brown blush across his cheeks.

Karkat shrugs, but manages one of his tiny smiles. “Aw, get out of here before you make me go into a fucking diabetic coma.” 

“Hang in there, motherfucker.” You start to wheel Tavros out, but then Tav holds up his hand.   
Looks like Tav has something to say, which is different for him. He usually doesn't volunteer information.

“Um. Um, you know, I think you should go after him? People don’t make cupcakes for you if they don’t care about you...especially when you know, he doesn’t like cake? And it sort of makes him sick? And you should, you know, try to appreciate what you have. Instead of. You know, what you don’t.”

Yeah, Tavros knows what’s going on. You grin and kiss his mohawk. “Good advice, motherfucker. Let's go home and get our mack on.” Because he is adorable and you pity him in all the best and hottest ways.

“Too much information, Gamzee,” Karkat snaps, then falls silent as the two of you leave. 

You chuckle. Yeah, it's totally time to go home now. You roll Tavros out of the door into the cool, rainy night. “Rain, motherfucker! It’s like a miracle!” Tavros squawks a bit but he laughs as you roll him home. 

It’s going to be a good night. 

==>Be Karkat Vantas.

You barely notice them leave.

If this were one of your cheesy rom-coms, you know there would be a montage up on the screen:

Of every time John has ever smiled at you when you called him “fuckass”.   
_ (Which is every time, really.) _   
Of every time John has brought you lunch when you were stuck at the store all day.   
_ (It’s been more than once, more times than you could count on one hand.) _   
Of every time John does anything stupid, or geeky, or derpy. Of his idiotic smile.   
_ (And don’t you do things just to make him make that stupid smile?) _

Because you, Karkat Vantas, are the dumbest fuckass in the history of dumb fuckasses.

Jegus fuck.

 _ Jegus fuck. _

JEGUS FUCK!

There's still an hour before you have to close the store, but the world is just  _chock full_ of the shits you don’t give. You slam and lock the register without even bothering to cash out. You hurry outside and lock the door behind you, and tear down your stupid sign, throwing it in the bed of your truck.

You start the truck and peel out of the parking lot, nearly hitting an incoming car in the process. 

You lay on the horn and scream out of your open window at the idiot.  “MOVE IT, FUCKASS!”

 _...God_ that felt good.


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, people. I can't believe I'm actually finishing this.
> 
> ...I think it might be a series because oh my god I have so much backstory for these people. ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy the Epilogue!

==>Karkat: Strike Back

You drive with your wipers on their highest setting and your headlights on the highbeams, even though you don't really need them, and drive carefully on the route to John's house. He's riding that idiotic bike and you just hope that you can catch him before he catches the flu or something because you also watch romantic tragedies, and that tends to happen a lot.

And humans are so fucking _ fragile. _

The first thing you come across is John’s bright green bike, mangled on the side of the road. Your blood pusher is thumping and you feel sick as you pull over to the side of the road. “John?!” Your voice rises and cracks and you don’t care. You don't hear anything in response. You look around since your eyes are best at night to see if you can see him, desperately scanning the trees and brush on the side of the road for any sign of him. You don't see him at all, and you hope that he's just started walking home, that no one horrible picked him up...the idiot is so naïve, he'd probably go with anyone because they were  _ nice _ to him.

“Fuck, fuck, _FUCK!_ ” 

You put his twisted bike in the bed of your truck and peel away from the shoulder of the road, hoping that you come across him.

 _ Please don't take a shortcut home, please stay on the main road, please don't go with anyone else who stops for you, you dumb, dumb, stupid fuck! _

That said, it's only about ten minutes later that you find him, wearing the same stupid sort of outfit that he's worn every day since you met him: cargo shorts and a t-shirt.  _ Not even a fucking jacket, the stupid fuckass. _ You speed up so that you can cut him off on the shoulder of the road with your truck. You slam the truck into park and get out, taking off your hoodie.

He's stopped, and is just standing in the red glare of your taillights, and he looks like hell. He has skinned knees and elbows and his lip is bleeding. ( _ That’s from your kiss, you ignorant fuck, _ you yell at yourself.) He's streaked with mud, and there are leaves in his hair.

“What the fuck, did someone beat you up?” you ask, reaching to put your hoodie around him, pulling up the hood. You touch  his arm to make sure he puts his arms into the sleeves of the hoodie properly, the sleeves too short, and you want to kill whoever laid their hands on him...

But John just shakes his head. “Wiped out on my bike.” His voice is sad and listless and it pains you to hear it.

You tug on him. “Get in the truck, fuckass.” He doesn't move for a moment and you wonder if he will, but then he turns and gets into the truck. You get in beside him and make sure that the heater is on, and you aim it at him. It isn't a cold night, really but it's been raining and he's soaking wet and shivering.  “Seatbelt,” you snap at him, wincing at the tone in your voice as he obeys you. 

You want better words. You want a better way of expressing yourself but you aren’t like that. Right now, you wish you were. 

So you don't talk as you drive, and John rides in silence for a little while until he says: “You can just drop me off home...I think I'm gonna go visit my dad. For a few days.”

You don't know what to say to that, so you just swallow and keep your eyes on the road. You don't know what to do. All your words have left, even the bad ones, and you're scared that you won't find the ones to make him stay. If he goes to visit his dad, you’re fairly certain he won’t come back, and his father lives all the way across th e _motherfucking count_ _ ry.   
_   
But then you know there aren't words, and so you growl, _“_ _ Fuckit! _ _”_ and make a sharp left turn, causing cars behind you to honk their horns at you and swerve. You don't even bother cursing back at them, you just grit your teeth and right the vehicle from the slight skid on the wet road.

At the all-night pharmacy, you park the truck. “Don't fuckin' move out of this truck, Egbert.”

“'kay,” he says, and the resignation in his voice is awful. You almost turn off the truck, but then you reconsider, leaving the truck idling and the heat on. He can't drive stick, so you know he won't ditch you, and besides, he’s still shivering and cold.

In the pharmacy, you buy things: you buy Bactine and Band-Aids and Gushers and antibiotic ointment, and gauze and gummi worms, and a few other things that make the cashier look at you funny. You don't even give her a hard time, just pay for your things and hurry out of the store back to the truck.

When you get back, John is leaning his head against the window and hiding his face in your hoodie. You know he's crying and you feel like shit because you made him feel that way. But you don't say anything because anything you say will just be stupid anyway. And probably make things worse. 

You drive to your apartment. Your apartment is shitty and messy but you don’t care right now, you want to feel safe for a few minutes after this day from hell. John’s apartment is too light, too bright, and you’ve had enough _bright_ for one day.

You get out of the truck and go around to open the passenger door. You undo John’s seat belt and grab his skinny wrist, but not hard, trying to avoid the parts that are scraped. “Come on,” you say, and bring him upstairs with a gentle tug.

You don't know what to do, not really. You don't know how to say what you want to say, because you're not eight sweeps old anymore, and you just don't have that kind of bravery.

  
You bring him to your ablution block, and have him sit down on the closed lid of the load gaper, and turn on the taps to bring the temperature of the water in the washbasin to tepid. You leave the room so that you can find some of your clothes for him. Whatever you give him won’t fit anyway, so you pick baggy stuff, shorts and one of your t-shirts. You bring everything in, and give John a towel for his hair.

And then, you place one finger against his chin and tip his head up. You gently wash his face, shooshing him gently as you do so. You clean the scrape on his chin carefully and dab on antibiotic ointment. You want to kiss that place where your teeth scraped earlier, lick the wounds to taste his blood again. 

But you don’t. 

You stretch his wet t-shirt and pull it over his head, trying to avoid the scrapes on both elbows and his skinned hands. You switch it out for yours, and he shivers. “Karkat, w-what...” His voice is trembling when he talks. 

You shake your head and shoosh him again. You're not ready for this conversation.

You carefully wash his wounds, bandaging them up, then motion for him to put on the pair of shorts you've given him. He hesitates, and you roll your eyes and turn around till he’s decent again.

You kneel down to tend to his skinned knees and the road burn up one calf, and that's when you hear him wince. You pat him and shoosh him and patiently concentrate on what you're doing. You are very focused. This is important. John is important. 

You stay kneeling after you finish bandaging him up. He's still shivering but you don't think he's cold, and it's warm in the apartment because you keep it that way. You realize that you're just kneeling there, with your hands on his knees, unsure of what to do. John places his hand on your shoulder, and you realize you’re trembling too.

“Karkat?”

Finally, you open your mouth an d _stupidit_ _y_ pours out, but you don’t  even care anymore. “I'm an idiot. I'm such a fuckass I don't deserve you. You should shoot me in the knees. You should cull me right now so I don't have to bring my stupidity into the world any more.”

“It's not your fault. I should have realized that you wouldn't want to be...that you wouldn't...” He looks to the side, to the ceiling, anywhere but at you.    
_  
Oh gog, oh gog, John's blaming himself. _ You shove your hands against your eyes. “No, no, John. Please.” You hold his arms and look up at him. “Please. Don't fucking leave me, John.”

“I...Karkat, I just... I'm so tired.” There's a plea in his voice, a tiny little whine when he speaks.

You start babbling, trying to make him  se e, to make him _ understand _ _._ “Sleep here. On the sofa. I don't care. Just don't leave me. I need you, I can't. I want. Please stay. I...just...gog.” You look up at him and you've never pitied anyone as much as you pity John right now. “I pity you _so much,_ ” you whisper, and it's taken all your strength to say it. And then you close your eyes and bow your head. Your knees hurt, your back hurts and your headache is still there, but right now, when he hasn't said yes or no, he's still yours, and you just want to be still and live in it for a few moments.

He plays his hand through your hair, an exposed part of a  sticky Band-aid catching a bit in the strands. Your hair is horrible and half of you wants to pull away in embarrassment but the other part of you is in charge and you press against  his hand. “I shouldn't have kissed you back there,” he says quietly, and you think that you’re going to die because you ruined it, you ruin everthing, but then John eases himself down in front of you, wincing a little, and leans forward to cup your face in his long-fingered pianist's hands. “I should have waited till now,” he says, and leans close, brushing his nose against yours, asking silently to kiss you, his soft breath against your cheek. You make a noise of assent, wordless, and you hear his breath against your ear.

John closes the gap, pressing his lips to yours, god so soft , and you lean into it as he pulls your body flush against his, wrapping his long arms around you tight. You don't hear anything else after that, nothing else but the  _ whoosh-slam _ of your blood pusher beating again, and everything inside of you says  _ YES! _ in allcaps and italics. With an exclamation point.

You're not eight sweeps old any more but you certainly do feel like it, feel that flush of hormones and pity and something else that you can't name, something that's different than it ever was with Terezi. And you're shaking even harder now, because  _ what if you mess this up too? _

Your arms go around him and meet at the small of his back and you hold him  as if he's made of glass and this is all just a pleasant daydream that will fade the moment you open your eyes...

“Hey,” he says, pulling back. “Look at me, please.”

Why are you scared to look at him? 

  
==> Be John Egbert

  
This has been a very emotional day, especially in the past two hours. Your body is aching and you really do hurt. A lot. Not that you care right now, because you just kissed Karkat, who has just confessed how much he pities you.

But it would be better if he looked at you, if he stopped being scared. 

He looks terrified, leaning his forehead against yours, his eyes shut and his fists bunched in the t-shirt you're wearing. It's your turn to soothe. “Sshoosh,” you murmur softly. “Karkat. I'm not going anywhere. I've wanted this for years. I'm not going anywhere without you.” Because that's the key, right? Just never leaving each other's side. “Look at me.”

It seems like forever since you've really looked into his eyes, and you notice that he’s crying a little. “It's going to be all right, Karkat. It's all going to be fine.”

“F-fuck,” he whispers. He's trembling all over and you wrap your arms around him. “Egbert—John.”

A shudder goes through you. His eyes are latched on yours as if you are his lifeline. You brush with your thumb gently under one of his eyes and he blinks at you, letting more tears fall.

“I pity you too,” you murmur. When you first met Karkat, you had no idea what pity was, really. At least not from a troll's point of view. But now you know, it's very close to love but...more, somehow. And less, in some ways. But it's the only explanation for what you feel for him that is not just love, but something else in addition to it. “I pity you, and I love you.”

Karkat makes a soft sound that is very like a whine, scoots closer to you, and wraps his arms tight around you again. And then he presses his mouth to yours and makes your knees tremble, one clawed hand sliding up into your hair. By the time he pulls away, your mouth hurts in the best way possible and you’re both trembling. 

He frowns, and rubs his thumb gently over your lip. “Oh, sorry...” 

He looks so concerned that you giggle and shake your head. “Help me up. My knees are killing me.” Karkat helps you stand and then you pull him into your arms tight. 

That’s when you start feeling the aftereffects of all the emotional ups and downs you’ve had, and feeling him tremble in your arms is amazing, but you can tell he’s just about had enough for one night, too. You gentle your hands in his hair. 

“Come on. I know there's got to be one of your troll masterpieces of film around here you want to show me.”

Karkat snorts. “Fuckass,” he says, and you grin as always when he calls you that. It’s all in the tone of voice, really. He hands you a bag of Gushers and a bag of gummi worms and some microwave popcorn. The tips of his ears are bright red.

As usual, you don't understand the movie completely, but you understand it more than you used to.

==>Be Karkat Vantas

You and John curl up on your sofa to watch a masterpiece of troll cinema. It's a good movie, but you have to admit, you're not really paying attention to it. You're more savoring the company, though you'd never admit it. He doesn't ask as many questions as usual, and you're playing with his hair, which is cool and soft.

He yawns against your shoulder. Stupid human sleep schedule. “You have to work tomorrow, Karkat?”

You huff out a short laugh. “Fuck that job. I quit.” You're not precisely sure what you're going to do now, but whatever it is, it can't be worse than that job. “Remind me to get that cat out of there.” A convenience store is no place for a cat to live.

John is grinning, you can tell even though you're not looking at his face. “Good.”

John falls asleep on your shoulder halfway through the movie. It gives you a chance to really look at him without him looking back. He's going to be bruised badly tomorrow, almost as much as you will be. You notice that there's a long scratch down one lens of his stupid glasses. He has beautiful long dark eyelashes. You'd never noticed them before. He's so soft. Human.

He makes a happy sound and cuddles against you, his arms going around your waist and a stupid smile on his face. You feel that warm flush again, that flush that reminds you that he belongs right here with you. 

He's ridiculous. And he's yours.

==>Be John Egbert

You wake up sprawled on Karkat’s couch. As you’d suspected, you ache all over and let out a groan as you push yourself to a sitting position. It’s dark, but you suspect that it’s because Karkat has blocked the windows against the sunlight, and a look at the rim of daylight surrounding one blocked window confirms that suspicion.

“Eg--John?”

You grin. “Beep-beep-meow!”

“Tcha, fuckass.”

You go into the kitchen and see that Karkat is working on repairing your bike. He’s taken off the mangled wheel, but he’s made good headway in repairing some of the gears and the chain.

“Aw, Karkat. You don’t have to do that.” You ease yourself down to a crouch beside him and touch one of the bruises on his face. He doesn't pull away or wince.

“Yeah, I do. I'm an idiot. You need a new wheel.” You watch him for a few moments, adoring every move he makes, and you’re sure that you must look like a complete dork, even moreso than usual. 

“Move in with me.” You're not quite sure when you even thought of that being a thing, but now that it's out of your mouth, it's the most perfect thing you've ever said.The only thing you could say. 

Karkat stares at you, blinking. “What.”

“Move in with me! It'll be awesome. That way we can be together every day!”

Karkat’s face turns red. “I don't even have a job right now.”

“But you'll get one soon! Or you can start school, that would be awesome too! C'mon, Karkat, say 'yes'.” You grab his hands, looking at him eagerly. 

“Do we have room for the recuperacoon?” Because he is not going to be having horrorterrors every night for anything. 

“I'll  _ make _ room. Anything you want.” Suddenly, joy engulfs you, and so you engulf _him_ , throwing your arms around him and tackling him to the floor.

“Argh!” Karkat huffs out a breath as he hits the floor with you on top of him. You abuse your knees again as you straddle him beneath you, kissing him enthusiastically. Hey, you’re allowed now, so you’re totally taking advantage of it! 

“Is this going to be a feature of living with you?” he asks breathlessly between kisses. 

“Yep, I'm afraid so,” you say, moving your hands to frame his face and grinning down at him. 

He looks grumpy and exhausted and.. . _happy._  “I think I can live with that.”

=END=


End file.
